i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
