i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
