I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
