I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
