Joe is yelling at the trees again.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize