Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
