So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
