Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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