I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
