the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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