Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sext me about skeletons
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
