You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
