chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
