I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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