I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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