It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
