it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
