Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you had me at cake vodka
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
