Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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