totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
