Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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