yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
