I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
