I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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