I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
