the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
