Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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