Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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