Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
