i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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