if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
