dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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