And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I still have a little drunk in my system
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
