I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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