I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you traded sex for a burrito?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
