is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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