theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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