Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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