We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
