You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize