I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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