I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
