Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
