I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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