I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
