careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
