please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize