John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
