Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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