I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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