Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
