stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
