literally had 100 drinks last night.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The air taste purple.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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