my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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