Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Blood and glitter go together right?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
