i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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