Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
