He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
