I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
