so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
