were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize