did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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