She's JV to your varsity
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
