i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
