Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
