Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
