I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
That accounts for only three of the penises
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I had to cum in my sink.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
