Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Randomize