Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize