I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
