he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
