Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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