I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
