His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
