when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
