he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
